Hot --- I´d say!

So far it has been 40+° each day. The hottest temp we recorded today in the car was 45.5°. It´s like facing a load of hairdryers on full blast. Right now it is still well into the 30´s and it is gone 9pm. Our airconditioning unit is not coping. It is still keeping us sub 30° but it just is no where near as cool as it normally is. The wind is really powerful and things are flying around all over the place. I am being lashed by a blind just writing this.

The forest fires are still raging away with two towns now evacuated. Thankfully we are not affected by it at all. Thanks to the way we arranged our days we just skirted around it. Had we decided to do our island tour today then we´d not have been able to as the places closed were vital and on the only practical route back home.

Palmitos Park didn´t have any butterflies which was just really odd.

Deej has pealed quite badly but the rest of us are doing OK. The poor kids can´t sleep very well because of the weather being so hot and both Daisy and Jonny are asleep in our bed right now.

Not heard anything from Matt at all, only what we have read on MySpace.

James is waiting on the PC so gonna sign off ... thanks to Martyn for the weather check ... I remembered today to check on gran-canaria-info.com (if that is right) like I normally do back home so know now we have one more day of this heat before it goes down (yeah, we think it sounds silly too) to 35° on Weds and a more manageable 29° on Thurs.

Love to all ... Hi Robin, hope all is well and you are being kept busy ... AND YOU ARE EATING.

Hi Nick, hope you enjoyed your London trip.

Gran Canaria

Temps most days been around 28° but today we went up to 42°.

All in various stages of burning and tanning.

Van not as bad as expected and managed to do the mountains even with the aircon on.

Spending way too much as always.

Done the water park, only John and me have been on the dunes, the sand is really too hot. Monday is Palmitos Park.

Resort very quiet.

Apparently, someone has had a visitor today and not before time too!

Now, I have a brandy with my name on it ... ttfn

Thanks

I would like to thank 'anonymous' for their support and thoughtful words.

You know, some things can really hurt

Just lately it seems that Matt is avoiding us whenever he can. I get the feeling he wants to talk, have given him the chance to do so but he's not interested.

He did tidy his room earlier as I'd asked which was a positive step but I feel a rift is developing between us which is going to get increasingly harder to heal.

Telling him to leave is one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make just like it was with Jermaine. I know Matt feels I am giving up on them but I am doing anything but. To me ... well, I have the memories of their whole lives in my mind and can remember the love I had for the pair of them when I first held them in my arms and that has never faded. For the rest of my life I shall love all my kids. The problem is, I too have an identity. I am a person entitled to a life and to have as much good from that life as possible. On top of that I also have to consider the effect on those in this house. Sometimes it can get to a point where it is so damaging that we cannot all live together. Trying to cope with Jermaine brought us all down. It also pulled us together.

The time Jermaine was here was not easy for anyone. Sadly, Matt seems to think he was the only one to feel the effects, that somehow he lost his childhood and it is all my fault. That isn't how it was at all. He had a very good and happy childhood. True, he lost an element of the freedom some of his mates had because he had to babysit now and then but he was also granted a lot of stuff that his mates didn't have. I operated an open door policy here for Matt's friends to come and go. Matt lived in a very comfortable house and has had his own room for many years, generally a very nice size room as well. He has been on some fantastic holidays, weekend breaks and day trips and done some things which he really enjoyed. The problem with all of that is that I got too soft with him. Each time something bad happened to him I tried to compensate. If he lost a phone or a bike I would replace it and that, I am sure, has given Matt the impression that spending to replace something lost is always OK. It has got to the point where he makes no effort to keep safe from being mugged because he feels he'll always come out on top and won't lose anything.

Earlier on today I dropped Daisy off down town and Matt was no more than a hundred feet away and knew I was there in the car but made no attempt to come over or even wave to me. Just a few moments ago I had his grandmother on the phone talking down to me like it is all my fault after speaking to Matt who was visiting his mother ... someone who just a few days ago predicted it would be Matt's fault if he was laying dead in a gutter somewhere and she expected that to happen. She's done nothing for any of these kids in years yet he can take time out to go see her whilst I am ignored totally having always been there for him. But then, as he once said to me recently, that was my choice, he never asked me to do it.

The same grandmother was actually accusing me of telling lies over Jermaine as well. She is 100% behind Jermaine's previous accommodation and won't hear anything bad said against them. Moving him has been a really bad idea in her opinion as is proven by the increased level of seizures where he is. I tried to point out they may not be at an increased level at all because where he was before simply didn't do their job and all too often left him alone but she just kept telling me how that wasn't how it was, they were always there for him with top level medical support always on hand. That is just not how it was there as others independent of the family also witnessed.

She went on to say that he was a very ill little boy and that he won't be cured, that eventually it'll just finish him off and there is nothing to be done so maybe moving him when he already had 'the best care' wasn't the best of choices.

This is both annoying but also really hurtful. As I said up there somewhere ... I love my kids so much that when they are in pain I am too and taking on the pain of up to 4 other people is hard as hell. To have done it for over 20 years is VERY hard. To be told that I don't know what I am talking about, that I am doing stuff for my own personal gain, because I can't be bothered, because I have given it up ... it shows that people that should know me don't know me at all.

Long overdue decision

I asked Matt earlier to behave like an adult and let him and I sit down and see if we cannot sort out his financial mess. He refused point blank. I had already made the decision that this was to be his last chance.

Because he said that I have said he cannot come on holiday with us and has to move out by August 25th and have given him that notice in writing as well.

He reckons there is no point in talking about it as he has no control over his spending so there is nothing to be done.

I have asked him to give the phone he currently has to Deej and it is actually his on loan to Matt.

Both Jonny and James have said they'll still be going regardless of whether Matt is.

You know, it's a horrible thing for a parent to have to kick their child out of their house and potentially their lives. I just cannot see matters improving if he stays here, indeed, they'll just get worse. Maybe the threat of being homeless when he doesn't pay any rent to the council and being declared bankrupt will bring him to his senses. As it is, he steals off me in the same way as if he took the money from my wallet and he tells me lies to the point I don't know what to believe any more. I didn't know there was such a thing as compulsive spending but if there is, Matt has it.

If only life were easy!

Dear Mrs Herriman ... or should I say 'Jane'?

OK, this may mean nothing to someone I have not been moaning to recently. Mrs Herriman is the head teacher of Daisy's school and disliked by many.

For several months I have been in touch with Daisy's class teacher, Mrs McDonald and her maths teacher, Mr Winful. We have got along just fine to the point we were not friends but on a first name basis.

After a very preachy session in the school on Wednesday evening during which Mrs Herriman spoke at length about how wonderful the staff were at the school I wrote in to feedback my experience. It was positive in places but also constructively critical in others. One point I was making was that the school had asked parents and carers to share their email addresses as this was a very good form of communication yet, on none of their letters did they list the email address of any teacher. I happened to give the email address of 'Kizzy' McDonald as an example.

The reply letter I received back had as an end piece an instruction never to refer to teachers by their first names as it is disrespectful and that the students are not allowed to do it ... bloody cheek, since when did I become a student?

I wrote to the two teachers concerned copying the relevant text from the heads letter into the body. I got a call earlier on from the deputy head saying she'd been instructed by the head to 'tell me' to stop inciting her staff into descent. That in future 'I must' never say anything disrespectful about Mrs Herriman to any staff member.

I got a little cross!

Moving on ...

Back in December we pre-booked a rental car for our holiday in a week or so time. I viewed two vehicles, both appeared to be the same except one was automatic and the other was a manual. I paid the extra for the auto. I found out earlier on this week that they don't do automatics, never have. They want me to drive around in the equivalent of a Transit Van! I shall be getting discounts obviously, that's the way I work but a Transit Van? It's going to die on the hills, make a right racket and rattle everyone all over the place ... bugger that!

I am not always screaming!

It just seems like it.

Allergies, I hate my allergic rhinitis as it makes many things unpleasant or, more accurately, less pleasant than they should be. Just thought I'd share that and especially to that woman in Tesco who felt like a one woman advertisement for Avon smellies in Tesco the other day.

Matt has seemed moderately more sensible these past few days. It is most unlike him so I am waiting for it all to return to normal (I hope it doesn't)

is latest girlfriend, Ann, seems really nice and one of the first if not 'the' first one he has brought around to spend some time with us and not just locked the door behind them as they go direct from the street door to the bedroom. Kinda, well done there and also for turning a shite situation at work into something that can be worked with ... now just don't screw that up.

Daisy is troubled but not opened up to me about it yet. She is clearly depressed about something.

The move for Jermaine went really well yesterday, couldn't have been better.



It's a lovely place, like an upmarket holiday home.

John and I have been together a year today. I really cannot imagine not being with him, it would seem very odd indeed and there are so many different directions this relationship can go. I am looking forward to the future. I know he can be weird, it's really just his nerves and insecurities, he'll get over it in time.

My car is still estimated to be ready one day next week ... talk about cut it fine.

The holiday is just going to come to us kicking and screaming all the way. After 7 months or trying to get it confirmed what is happening to the car rental it now seems as though it is sorted but the wrong car. I paid for an automatic yet they don't actually do any even though they confirmed the money for one and still advertise doing one on their website. Respect Holidays are trying to sort it out but I feel now that I am going to end up paying a lot more for a car which is no better than one I could have booked back in January for £100 less. To make matters worse, they charged me £308 for it and are now selling this vehicle that doesn't exist for £294!

I finally managed to get Zoey's dentist transferred to Northampton so no more stupid trips to Wellingborough just for 10 minutes.

The care home Jermaine used to go to lost a lot of his stuff but they don't seem to give a shit about it and I am not amused.

Gotta get up early tomorrow for a plumber who may not turn up until lunch time so not very happy about that.

George

Matt and I went out earlier and found George, we will miss him, he was a wonderful cat, one of the few about which I cannot think of anything bad to say. He is now buried in the garden. Thank you George, we love you

Who'd 'ave 'em?

Kids and Pets that is.



George has been missing a couple of days, he may come back, he may not. It seems only John and I have noticed he's not been around, food is not being eaten. We both hope he is OK as cats like him and Tilly don't come around very often and we'd be sad to lose either of them ... time will tell.

Daisy was told by her mum yesterday that if she wanted to stay in town with her mates then she'd have to have Zoey with her and she (mum) was not bringing Zoey home to fit in with Daisy's social life. On this point I have to say I agreed with her. I spoke to Daisy and told her that if she didn't include Zoey in what she was doing then I'd expect her home. Needless to say, she didn't and Zoey had a very boring time down town. It is also obvious that Daisy has been drinking booze from the cabinet not to mention arguing with me in the same way as Matt does and then complaining I treat her like Matt.

Speaking of Matt. Matt has a girlfriend called Ann, this will become important later. He asked yesterday if 'Harriet' could come stay the night after the party at gay Matt's. Oh, and could she come back to get changed too? They all three of them (Zipsy included) seemed to be a little pissed when they got back just before 5pm and they had some drinks before they left. They were OK though, quite jolly and looking forward to the evening out. I was called on or before 9pm from a very pissed Matt. They were all pissed, could I go collect them ... I assume they'd spent the taxi fare or else they couldn't find a taxi to carry them. Matt had been thrown out of a pub for being drunk so he then went next door and had some more to drink. When they got home they created quite a mess and were all three walking in to things and knocking stuff over. By 10pm Matt and Harriet were in a locked and darkened room leaving Zipsy to sleep in the other room. Both Matt and Harriet have just come down for a drink shortly before 8am. I awoke and cannot get back to sleep because I could here or 'feel' movement coming from, I presume, Matt's room.

So, despite having a girlfriend, Matt is sleeping with some other girl. This isn't any sort of convenience thing because we are short of beds, she could actually have had a room to herself as Daisy is sleeping in the lounge (with the door open) with Dez. Matt looked at me and asked if I was OK and I said fine if a little confused and he gave me one of his - get a life dad - looks and walked away.

This just feels wrong to me and under my roof too.

I have good reason to suspect that Matt will also soon be one job down. He's playing it all cool as usual but the bottom line is, he's in the shit big time and making no effort to look for help just hoping his looks and charm will win the day. In a way, I hope he does get sacker, it may do him some good. However, I suspect it won't as well because he'll just convince himself that he was in the right and it was them who were acting unreasonably. It so won't be his fault that he'll have no money for the holiday, it will be because BHS are arseholes. He still takes his passport with him ... being responsible no doubt.

Things have improved these past few days with him but basically he still buries his head in the sand and tried to deal with things he doesn't have the experience to deal with and he's still cocking up big time. He is so capable of being something special but instead he disappoints me almost daily.

I so think I shall have to place a total ban on anyone staying over for a while in an effort to reclaim my house