Headache

Much of today I have had a stress related headache. I think I am just having to do too many different things for too many people on demand. Whilst I would wish to be capable of doing so I think my body is telling me to calm down and ease off the throttle a little. It is time for those around me to be doing some more of their own thinking and decision making, taking responsibility for their own actions rather than seeking to either ignore the issues or place the burden of responsibility upon me. My natural inclination is to be all things to all people but it's not happening. In trying to do so I am losing myself.

If I should seem detached from what I perceive to be the little issues or suggest strongly that someone sort a problem themselves, I do expect that to happen. I will be there for the big things that people really need my help with but as many around me are seeking my input with matters I know they can deal with themselves I am asking them to do so to allow me to regain some energy as I can't be stretched beyond my limits.

The sort of questions I get asked are ...

• "What should I do now?"
• "What should I eat?"
• "Why is there no bread?"
• "Should I go to 'x' or go to bed?"
• "What should we do in September?"
• "If 'x' happens, what should happen?" (With 'x' being an unlikely negative event)

Other frustrations for me are:

• When I am given the impression that someone has done something they said they would do only to discover that have either not done it or done the opposite.
• People expecting me to trust them when clearly they are incapable of taking responsibility for even the simplest of things
• Things being left a mess just because someone couldn't be arsed or, as most likely happens. A mess is left with intent to clear it later. A second person adds to the mess rationalising that it was not their mess so they should not clear it up. The first person comes back to clear up and sees the additional mess and they rationalise that they did not cause this level of mess so they are not clearing it up ... all meaning that either myself or John has to clear it up
• The apparent inability to do something as simple as replace a toilet roll
• The use of food intended as a dinner ingredient as an in between meal snack
• Telephone calls past 9:30 at night for nothing much. It is a time when I am trying to unwind and maybe watching the TV for the first time that day, just getting in to a programme and the phone rings and it doesn't matter whether it is for me or one of the kids, it interrupts an otherwise peaceful time of day. Please, try to call before 9:30 (most that do won't even be reading this) and if you do call after that time, try to make it something that couldn't wait until the following day.
• People who come here for what seems to be little more than to use the internet. I am now being really hot on the kids when their mates come around ... no net when mates are here.
• People that make themselves food or drink and don't offer any to anyone else
• People I visit who leave the TV on. It is a distraction and it makes it difficult for me to hear anything.
• Mega hot on this one ... anyone who uses their mobile phone to text whilst holding a conversation with me ... people, it's rude!
• Idiots that press both up and down on the lift call buttons
• Drivers that don't correctly indicate especially on roundabouts.
• Those that use my brain for their own benefit with no intention of giving anything back with either a personal or computer problem.
• Cobwebs ... they are everywhere at home and seem to return as soon as I eliminate them, it's the 4th road bridge experience as so much of running this house is.
• People that go on and on with endless bullet point lists ... oh

Earlier on today I discovered that thousands of people probably across the country are claiming DLA they are not entitled to and are totally unaware of it. It appears that anyone who is 100% health service funded loses their DLA entitlement and, because of a shake up in the way that service are funded over the past year or so, many have moved from local authority funding into NHS funding. Because nothing has changed for them physically it has not been pointed out that they needed to notify the DLA and would lose their entitlement. I have no idea how that mess is going to be dealt with.

Thankfully it doesn't affect Jermaine as he's not got DLA for 15 months anyway. It looked like there was a chance he'd get the mobility component reinstated with this move but then he'd have immediately lost half of it again to the care home for his transport needs leaving only £20 out of a possible £45 or, £1000 a year which would have been nice but not likely to have any serious impact on his quality of life. I am suspecting though that this news may affect him in other ways and I sense I will end up having to take the case to government to highlight the problem. If, as I hope won't happen, the care home insist on Jermaine paying more toward transport costs than the NHS currently fund, it could seriously impact on his ability leave the home. As an example, we already know that any visit away from his home would incur a cost of around £450 per day. On top of this he would need to cover the cost of accommodation and food of three people including himself for the duration. For example, a simple weekend break to visit grandparents in Kent would be broken down as follows:

Two nights and three days in a basic hotel
Accommodation - £180
Food - £100
Care - £1,440

Total bill for a weekend break is £1,720

Jermaine's income is £5,044 a year. One weeks holiday for him could take his entire income. In short, he won't be having any holidays unless I can find an outside funding agency and I will do my level best to do so.

I guess that could be added to the list of things which annoy me.

Another niggle I am having right now is that I think the care home and NHS are together conspiring to take away my rights to handle Jermaine's finances. It has sort of been mentioned a few times now how complicated it is me being his appointee and some have shown shock that the care home do not have control. I am seriously thinking now may be the correct time to get this court of protection over matters.

I'm gonna go watch TV now. Tomorrow may lead to another entry, one saying how it looks like the DWP are questioning Zoey's entitlement to DLA. I so hope not but if they are and she loses it. I am having to find work and quickly.

Oops! Correction time!

Ann is the result of a BET and not a 'bed' as I previously wrote!

Who?

Well, it was Kerry which didn't lead to Zispy (sadly) then rapidly on to Tracy who exited for Becky who, as last I heard, was superseded by Ann. Ann is the result of a bed with, I think, Lucy that both he and she could get a significant other whilst getting drunk on rum ... not my idea of a romantic first date but hey, I am old and I know nothing of modern courtship.

Money is clearly dripping through certain fingers leaving an already zero balance somewhat less than zero with no hope of recovery.

A passport is something, apparently, to prove responsibility with. If it can be carried all over the place within a bag at day and night and kept safe then one is responsible. If it should go missing then failure is declared. Of course, this boring old fart would say that proof of responsibility would be to keep a passport in a safe but again, I am old and what do I know of such things?

The Sebring, I am told, is still awaiting a part from the US which was promised for one week ago but now no one seems to have any idea where it may be. We can but wait but time is frankly running out for us. We have just 3 weeks and 5 days until this car has to be on the road.

Tomorrow our Zoey is 16. I also have an important meeting to iron out some issues with Jermaine's care home. Some major discrepancies surfaced earlier on today and I am not sure we have time to get them resolved right now.

That Link again

In case anyone does not realise that the word 'this' needs to be hovered over to get the link ... this is the full thing:

http://www.dizzyqueen.net/writing.htm

Writings

I have been editing some websites today as they were looking a little tired. I got to reading some of my writings and they are really not that bad. If you have not yet seen some of the stuff that whirls around my brain, go take a look at this and let me know what you think.

I am still awaiting the illusive day with not much to do. Today was going to be one like there whereby we just wandered down town, chilled out a little then came home and flopped. Never happened that way as I spent a couple of hours on the phone and writing email and about Jermaine's impending move and getting things sorted in writing before it all happens.

Still no sign of the V5 as yet but, no matter, I don't have any date for the car either. I did manage to save myself some cash on the motor insurance though and get a better deal on breakdown cover. I joined an American car owners club in the UK for £30 and that saved me £60 on the insurance which more than covered the cost of the membership plus the saving on top. The breakdown cover will be £45 which is less than half what I currently had for a far more comprehensive service across Europe. In all, I have struck a deal that it is now cheaper to motor in the Sebring than it was in the C5!

True to her Word

Christine at the DVLA in Swansea got one of her colleagues to call me this morning. When I spoke to her last week she said she would monitor my case and call me with any developments but, let's face it, who believes that anyone is true to their word any more? But, obviously she was because her colleague called to let me know that Christine was off today but before she left last night she'd seen the V5 had arrived from the previous owner and processed a new V5 for me straight away which should be with me either late this week or early next week ... that is absolutely amazing and I thanked the called very much and asked for my gratitude to be passed on to Christine.

What this means is that all I am waiting for is the car to be repaired and get through the MOT then I am on the road. I spoke to Neville at the garage and he remains confident that it will all be done in the next couple of weeks. Fingers crossed it all goes smoothly from now on and I can go on holiday relaxed in the knowledge that my worries over the car are finished.

This year is ...

A year of change.

It's the year that Matt got so bad that I became totally sure that he has to move out, as much for his benefit as anyone else.

I did a first and bought a car on Ebay. Little did I know how much that decision was to dominate the next few months and threaten my holiday nearly 4 months later

Robin moved to Northampton, certainly a good move.

Nick moved to his new bed-sit.

My body has got huge (for me)

Zoey is leaving school in just over a week

Jermaine is finally moving to his new flat next month

This is only the first half of the year!

I like to live life positively but I am also a realist. I would love to say that 2007 part 2 will be plain sailing and one of the happiest times of my life but I have this feeling that something bad is going to happen to really shake this year and I don't get feelings like that often and I so hope I am wrong on it. I feel Matt is hiding a lot from me, that there is something going on in his life which is heading for disaster. All the pressure of the 1st half of this year has really halted the happiness of my relationship with John. We still love each other but the passion is on hold as I just don't have the energy for it ... maybe when Matt moves? At least that way we won't always have the light on in the next room with the TV flickering all night never knowing if he's up or asleep and it gives me the creeps to have one of the kids in the next room potentially listening to what we are doing.

On an unrelated note, this house seems to be constantly dirty, it's like the 4th road bridge and no amount of me cleaning seems to be able to keep up with it. The cats both have fleas and last night we had to do the tablets, spray the house which is sending my allergies silly but it has to be done. There was a spider walking across the worktop first thing this morning. Spiders don't bother me so much but somehow, seeing it there made it feel dirty and the flies, I hate flies because they lead to maggots and I hate those with a passion. I could swear I have cleaned every door in the house yet still, when I look, it appears some of them have had coffee sprayed on them overnight.

Ahhh, just thinking about fleas and I am scratching everywhere and there is nothing there.

I bet you are scratching now too?

Power of Age

When I was a child I was all but ignored, my views existed but were not important in the adult world and other kids soon forgot what I had to say.

In my teens I thought I knew enough about everything to state my mind with mature abandon. Adults ignored me or agreed I was an irritation. Those or my age group valued my opinion and did what they wanted to do anyway. Those younger than me thought I knew everything. Which ever they thought, I was sure I must be right because my heart told me so.

Now in my 40's young kids think I am a different species, teenagers know everything so what I have to say is just annoying. Those my own age listen to me as do those older ... the scary thing is ... my views are still what my heart tells me is right. I have no more idea if it is right or wrong now than I did when I was 7 yet the power of my age makes it right because I said so.

Realising this is one scary thing. It means I have responsibility to think more, to analyse my thoughts and sometimes over ride my heart.

Looking back there is an age I did not mention, my 20's. It was a time when adults accepted me as an adult, where kids looked up at me as still a human but something more. My views were taken or left, I didn't have the responsibility of age.

Why is it we only ever notice the good times when they have gone?

On an unrelated note ... I am so glad I bought a 500GB drive for Jermaine as 325GB have gone already!

My feelings are all over the place. I think I am really happy because I cannot think of a good reason not to be. But, I also feel I need a good cry. It's kind of like that pre Christmas feeling when something is about to happen, it should be good but we are not quite sure and we don't know whether to get all excited and go with the flow or hold back so as not to have too much of a drop if it all goes pear shaped.

One constant bug is Matt. Not one day goes past when he doesn't say or do something which truly upsets me. I don't trust him, I know he tells me lies. I always feel he knows already the next stab in the back he has lined up for me but I just cannot work it out quick enough to stop it happening.

This walking lark is getting me confused. Went out earlier to pick up a prescription and my ankles were in agony. Walking back and I felt totally OK. Surely that should be the other way around?

No, It's me, not you, I hold my hands up, it's me, I must be wrong

Well, that's what it seems I am supposed to say these days whenever there is a disagreement at home because Daisy and Matt don't want to listen to my point of view, they don't want to just do what I say, no, they are right and I am wrong, that seems to be the order of the day.

All too often I am being scammed into thinking I am going senile and not hearing what I am being asked or told. Earlier Matt swears he asked me on the phone if his new mate Pete could come over and stay and I am convinced he just said if it is OK for him to 'come back'. I can't think of any reason why I should have allowed some guy I know nothing about to come back here. Matt has only known the guy a week and on that basis I am supposed to put everyone in this house at some potential risk of whatever. Of course, he could be a lovely guy, I don't know. All I do know because we were never actually introduced, is that he smells of BO (my first impression), that he eats my food and that he spends a considerable time using my internet connection. This is not enough to reach a conclusion on anyone but it is not a very impressive first impression of someone.

Both the kids do this whereby they insist they have asked something and I have agreed whereby they actually didn't. I am far from a nut case yet and I know when I have and have not been told or asked something and am sick and tired of this game of theirs to circumvent the rules.

Oh brother, here we go again. Despite me saying to Matt I did not want another hour or so of conversation about it that was what happened. He wanted Tracy to come over tomorrow and I said fine but no shagging because I don't want that awkward feeling during the day. I'd said this a couple of nights ago yet he brought her back for a shag the following day. I went up to his room just to tell him we were going out and had to wait a while until he shouted through the door that it was OK. I felt so awkward it was unreal and especially as we had the chat the night before about it. So, we've just spent over an hour with him (by his own admission) testing the boundaries, discovering how resolute I was about it. Again the issue of "if you were not at home all day, it wouldn't be a problem" was raised. That, apparently, 'all' other parents just left their offspring alone if they were in their rooms with their mates. I, according to Matt, don't have the right to tell him what to do in his own room and my feelings are irrelevant.

Round and round in circles. I have no idea what he and Robin discussed earlier but it certainly resolved nothing. Matt is no more willing to listen now than he ever is. He still argues like a child and each time I ask myself ... "Why is he still here?"

My allergies have gone stupid today. I keep feeling fine then I am wheezing and sneezing, coughing and spluttering ... it's not good and I am feeling crap.

The car finally went yesterday and it was a huge relief to see the back of it. A little sad as it was a comfortable car, good to drive and not too thirsty but time to move on and the money is much needed. As could so easily have been predicted, the news about the Sebring seems not to be so good. The absolute top price for the job of £2500 now seems to be pushing £3000. This, to me, means £3500. (I have insurance to pay for too) This means that with a bank balance of £3000 I would be £500 into my overdraft. With only 5 saving weeks before the holiday that means I can, at besr, only manage to save £750 (leaving a credit balance of £250). That's not enough to go away with. I am unlikely to spend less than around £1000-1400 whilst away unless I cut right down, that's just £25 each a day. That may seem a lot but generally there is a lot of eating out going on. There is a fair amount of drinking goes on too. I guess I could, in theory, maybe halve that but it would still be £500-700 even so leaving me with a bill on my return.

I could do with a stroke of luck right now, it's a headache making these things work, Too true, we are not starving. If funding a nice luxury car and a holiday 2000 miles away is my biggest concern then I guess my worries are not huge. Not that they are all I have to worry about but never mind.

On the subject of one other thing to worry about. Again I am dealing with a move. This is part of the reason I took very much a back seat in Nick's recent move. With the whole moving thing being the most stressful thing we do I didn't want to be taking any part of another after sorting Robin and with Jermaine coming up. That particular move looks like it could be going OK. However, with no car now I really do have to have an extra layer of sorting out as I am relying on Robin running me about. I know he doesn't mind and it's great that he doesn't but I do mind. I mind that he may actually have had other plans (even if it was just a shag) which I am riding over. It bothers me that I need to ask anyone to do what would otherwise be the most simple of things just getting in my car and going somewhere, Like Robin, I don't really do to well having to rely on others.

I do want to do a visit down to Jermaine but have to time it well to try and get as much in as possible. I also need to get over to Corby to get that sorted as well. There is quite a lot which needs sorting over there to make it just right for Jermaine's arrival.

I have been wanting to go to bed since 10 this evening but here I am just getting to that point. It's taken nearly 2 hours to get this entry written because I have been interrupted so often.

Well,I am all typed out though I feel I still have so much to get off my chest. If I carry on I will end up with the imprint of a keyboard on my face in the morning!

It's the Chavs (innit) BUT ...

Earlier on this evening Matt was mugged (again) walking on a footpath between Kingsheath and Ryehill. Of course the blame is on the chavs that did it but ... walking along a dark footpath, unoverlooked with a bag on his back was just plain stupid as the police told him when they were round.

Thankfully the damage is mainly bruising with a head cut which needed to be glued. He also has a huge footprint on his face. Clearly he is in a lot of pain.

Though they did take his bag, all they got was his mobile. The bag and all other contents were later recovered by police. We did, at first, think they got his passport and bankers card. Annoyingly the bag didn't arrive back before he'd cancelled the card so he's got to wait on a new one now. The passport being found was a huge relief as that would have cost £66 to replace.

I have bought him a replacement phone for £53. I had to use my £20 discount from Virgin to get it that cheap. It's not that I have the money to spare but more that I know he certainly doesn't. Of course, it does annoy me that he's already gone £36 over his limit on his phone which is £36 less to take on holiday with him. At least the new phone comes with 200 minutes though I may keep that for myself or Deej as I know it'll just be something to be used ASAP to Matt. He's not mentioned anything about repaying me so I have no idea if he intends to do that ... I am probably just a fool to myself. Yes, it was the chavs but why does he have to do such idiotic things?

MySpace

http://www.myspace.com/blinkenmissit has been updated to make it look more like this blog. I actually don't much like the look of either but I do the best with what I have to work with!

Today I have been feeling quite crap. I did a lot of sleeping just because I had no choice.

I have been swelling up quite a lot today as well and not in a good way! Most of my joints are really hot and uncomfortable so I guess sleeping tonight is going to be crap.

Trying not to be nervous about getting the car cash paid in but failing miserably and I suspect this is the cause of my physical condition. The truth probably is that I am starting to relax about the whole money thing. If it goes as it looks I may actually have some money in the bank for the holiday spending though only about 3 days worth, the rest goes on the card but better than what I thought was going to happen and going there with a -£1800 bank balance.

It seems that I could possibly get most of the things which currently bug me off my plate within a month and that is just excellent. A lot of really hard work and determination but at long last it seems to be coming together.

Today it seems as though Robin ate OK but I don't know how long it will last. If he doesn't take some of the advice I gave him last night I suspect he'll be having problems soon enough with his mental health as things start to build up in the back of his mind.

Car Update

I got a call at 7:30 this morning from the buyer of the car saying he intends to pick-up either Sunday or Monday and pay cash. As the banks won't be open on Sunday I have suggested that if he calls then he bring along two forms of id, one of which must be a drivers licence which I shall copy and hold as guarantee should the money turn out to be fake. Of course, if the guy is clever enough to fake cash a drivers licence and maybe a credit card are not going to be difficult but I guess there has to be some trust in life.

Car Sold! (or is it?)

Yesterday the car was sold for £3600 (that would be Weds). I sent the invoice off to the buyer straight off then, about half an hour later he wrote me saying he'd won the car, can I send my address and phone number to him (which I'd already done of course).

I did as requested and have heard nothing since and I am concerned about it. Apart from anything else I think it's impolite to get to the check-out and ignore the sales assistant and not get out the wallet, it's just rude. That's what it feels like this guy is doing. I know there could be all sort of reasons for it but it's not the way I work. Let's just hope he contacts me later on today (Thursday)

I have someone from the DWP (benefits people) to chat to me about Zoey's benefit's and whether or not she can handle her own affairs. Currently she can't but there may be an occasion when she can so it makes it a little awkward to deal with such matters without her there.

John's hair didn't turn out as planned on Tuesday and went what appeared to be ginger but today it is more of a light brown and really looks quite sexy. Anyway, he doesn't like it and wants it more blonde so after the person from the DWP has been here I am going to attack it again with the peroxide.

My hair annoyingly looks OK yet I dislike it being this long myself. It's so frustrating when I am receiving compliments like I have not done in years to a style I don't much like!

I was a little cross with Nick earlier but on re-reading his text I misunderstood. I read it as 'can we do lunch tomorrow' whereas he actually just said 'lunchtime'. So I was half expecting to get lunch supplied and it didn't happen. Thankfully, if this guy actually collects the car I see no reason to give him any more diesel then he needs to get to a garage so I can't really be too concerned about what I am using the diesel for!

Charlie was round earlier and so was Robin which probably worked out well as the two of them did some chatting about the theatre.

Robin was bad earlier and was refusing to eat again. He'd not eaten much all day and had been sick too so it was obviously important for him to eat. There seems to be an increase in such incidents of late which normally means he's about to hit a low. It's just so terribly important that he gets back to eating properly again even if he doesn't have a main meal but just eats 4-5 times a day small snacks of reasonably healthy food.

Oh my ... what a birthday with a twist in the tail

I have had a wonderful birthday so far today.

John has been a star and tried really hard to make things good for me. He got me one of the things off my wish list which I do keep telling myself I am going to stop playing with but it's just so cool I have to keep having a go. It's one of those robo-raptor things and it's just such fun. Zoey gave me some things she took from a book of hers which was really sweet of her. Daisy got me a Discworld novel ... Matt and Zoé got me a t-shirt each with Matt additionally getting me a Spidey potato head. There has been other stuff of course but that's the basics.

Robin did me proud with a fantastic meal and wonderfully unhealthy cake. There was a small panic over his car but that was sorted quick enough not to cause a problem.

I have been txt'd by 3 people to say happy birthday and got some cards too.

Everyone else in the house is doing their own thing now so I thought sitting down at the PC would be a cool thing to do. I suddenly got a yellow announcement message pop up and when I checked it was an Ebay notification ... the car has reached the £3400 reserve ... effectively it is now sold and fingers crossed nothing happens to go against that, this now means we can relax and enjoy the new car ... the only thing in question now is just how much it will go up to. I am going to be so angry if this bidder pulls out but he seems OK, has a good rating and 93% positive feedback. The only negative was when he/she apparently didn't turn up ... I so hope that isn't for a car!

Birthday taster

Had a lovely day yesterday (Saturday) with Nick and Robin combining to take me to Milton Keynes. Nick bought dinner at Nando's and also tickets to see Acorn Antiques which was excellent entertainment. The only annoyances of the day were the guy behind me who sneezed over my back and the people further down our row who thought arriving moments before curtain up at the start and after the interval was a polite thing to do meaning we and some others who got there in good time had to wait around for them then stand for their arrival.

Today is birthday eve and it is probably one of my most disliked days of the year as it is generally when I start to see things falling apart. This year is no exception.

It took loads of effort to get Daisy motivated to do dinner as she'd promised to do. Matt had to be reminded to clear the garden after his fun of yesterday and someone made a mess of the clean carpet in the lounge which I had to clear a short while ago.

Robin is having trouble with his car. What this means is that I am now expected to do the driving tomorrow when we go to the restaurant for dinner when I had been hoping to have a beer with my meal. Robin also said today that the chosen eatery looked like it had closed. What this means for me is that on my birthday I will need to drive, I will need to not have things as I'd have liked them and could be wandering around for quite some time trying to find somewhere open that has a table. The more I think about the compromises I'd be expected to make the more it just feels that, as usual, this is more about what others want and little to do with me. I really seriously think I don't want to go anywhere now. I'd rather just stay at home and do my own thing, go to bed or whatever as I spend most my life compromising my life for others and this one day I don't want to do that, I have the right to be selfish one day a year and unashamedly so.

The car is up to £2000 with 13 bids and 27 people watching it. As usual and, unsurprising for this point in the auction, it's got a long way to go to reach the reserve of £3400. I should not let it go for that but it's the bare minimum I can get away with and still be able to keep the Sebring. It does still mean having a crap holiday though. It also means that some things I wanted to get sorted on the Sebring won't get sorted until after the holiday.

What amazes me is that were I buying a car I'd be reading that advert all the way through from top to bottom to make sure I didn't make an idiot of myself. Even though I have published on the ad that the reserve is £3400, people are still bidding well below that figure clearly not realising that are currently battling the reserve price and not other bidders. One bidder, one of the more prolific, has a zero rating so I'd not sell it him anyway (or her) but as they are currently help increase the sale price I shall continue to allow them to bid. There is a car which has done 18,000 miles more than mine currently sitting at £2600.00 for heaven sake. It's the slightly higher spec SE model but it's green, who in their right mind would buy green these days and especially the emerald green, it just looks so dated. Fortunately that ends 16 hours before mine and is the closest competition which increases the chances of me selling. I still suspect I'll be sitting here on Weds writing a blog saying how it didn't sell.

The background image for this changed again because it balled up on some resolutions apparently, I hope this version is better as html and me are not perfect partners.

Things are moving ...

Sadly, not at a pace to get the heart pounding but they are moving.

The car has had 7 bids on it dragging it up to a staggering £746! Yes, that's right, less than 25% of the true value ... I just have to admire the optimism of those who have thus far put in an offer.

Earlier I had a guy with a very strong Brummie accent call me saying how keen he was in buying the car and he meant it to, clearly he'd done his homework. Of course, that's not going to go smoothly as he needs to sell his current car first, a Jag 's' type. He said he'd call tomorrow but I am not holding my breath on that one.

Several and I mean, too bloody several companies have called me to sell their services on the pretext of being supplies of buyers ... total bollocks and they get the reply I am in the mood for at the time of calling ... one had the nerve to call back and ask if we got cut off, silly cow.

Matt has come home pissed. He didn't get up for work this morning either so it's good to see that nothing is changing there then, really proving how responsible he is now being. How much of my money this is costing I can but speculate of course but from where I am it looks like there is less money coming in that anticipated because of the lost hours. The mobile phone is clearly still being used despite him being totally out of credit as happened when he called me yesterday. I don't know if he's actually taking money from his account but suspect so. In short this is Matt again burying his head in the sand and assuming this is all going to sort itself out, oh brother.

Daisy is at Kes's house tonight, not one of my better decisions that one as her family are nutters and smoke like troopers. At best she'll be back tomorrow stinking, at worst, the fag smoke won't be from those she was staying with.

My PC is throwing some wobblers at the moment so some serious defragging going on along with some proggies being reloaded and I hope that solves the problem.

I am somehow feeling more optimistic about things yet have no facts to base that upon ... maybe something is in the wind ... should not have had those beans earlier.