... and I am the bad guy again

I have been looking forward to watching 'Happy Feet' for some time now. I wanted to see it at the cinema but just never managed it so I was quite keen when the DVD arrived through the door earlier.

My plan was to watch it this evening if I wanted to but that kinda looked unlikely as Matt had Kerry over so I resigned myself to not seeing it until perhaps the weekend sometime.

I set myself up in the office to catalogue my software collection which was bound to take some time. Just got settled into it when Kerry left and Matt came straight in saying we should go watch the movie now. I explained I was kinda busy but he started to do the reasoning thing so I said I'd be along later. Daisy soon started shouted that the movie was about to start so get a move on.

So, I put everything on hold and headed in there to find there were actually no seats. John, Matt and Daisy were on the main sofa and Zoey was taking up most of the two seater allowing me just the end nearest the door.

That made me really upset because I so wanted to see it relaxed and cuddled up to John. I walked out again and then started to get moaned at because I was spoiling the 'family event'. I tried to explain how I was feeling but wasn't being listened to, getting sarcastic remarks off Daisy and Matt was just accusing me of lying saying how I never intended to watch the movie anyway. He's announced he's going out, I don't know if he is or not.

It's always like this, others do something to upset me yet it's me that ends up being made to feel even more crap than I felt already.

I've been real busy all day today doing stuff that needed doing and little of it for me. I got just 3 hours sleep last night and yet was up for a meeting at Daisy's school to try and sort her out. I've been doing washing and putting things away. Writing email, putting feelers out for a job in IT. I have been trying to sort my Ipaq out as it wasn't working right. John needed something loaded on his PC. Went looking for a birthday gift for Matt, drove to get fish and chips. In short a right busy day.

John didn't get out of bed until the afternoon then soon after he and Matt went down town to enjoy themselves. The girls have sorted themselves out with Daisy going straight onto her laptop when she got in and assuming her only chore was to finally put away some washing she was meant to sort out last week.

Well, I was stressed and just needed to chill out and put my feet up and there they were just sitting there like I was the most unimportant person on the planet and I just felt like shit, it was the last straw and it just didn't need to have happened, it's just a respect thing. Always make a seat for the man in charge kind of thing but that just doesn't happen here and I am sick of the competition in my own house.

Anus Horiballess

Excuse my Greek!

But seriously, it ain't so good right now on the child front and I am feeling like a failure as a parent.

Not only have I in the past year had to deal with one of my kids shagging a child but also learnt that two of them smoked. Both promised not to, both lied to me. One of them, our Daisy, feels that tobacco is not enough and so has been on weed too, yesterday she was shoplifting and I am so much feeling like a complete parental failure because it's so opposite to what I have brought them up to know is the difference between right and wrong.

Matt appears to think it's OK to keep me stressed out over stuff and let things he knows bug me trundle along for weeks or months rather than just simply resolve them which is rarely more complex than a quick conversation or telephone call. This latest one is his need to arrange to have the time for our July holiday booked off work. He tried to book it weeks ago and it was declined and he's done nothing about it since. He also has a passport application sitting in his room which has sat there for a month waiting on him to complete it. He could resolve both these things simply. On one he needs to just sign it, pop it in an envelope and post it. The other he needs to speak to a manager at work and find out for sure if he can have this two weeks. If not then he needs to either cancel the holiday or look for another job.

He knew about Daisy smoking and doing drugs months ago but decided not to tell me because he wanted to remain popular with her ... he'd already said he'd given up on being able to stop her so he decided to carry on being popular and provided a cigarette to her. So, not only am I unaware of what she is doing but he is actually encouraging it ... to be popular. As if my life was not difficult enough already.

I am really not sure right now just how much energy I have got to deal with all his shite. Not that I feel life's problems would be resolved were he not involved but they would be significantly easier.

To Daisy's credit, it was her that finally told me about the drugs and smoking ... oh, did I mention the sex? Where the fuck did I go wrong?

Ebay Woes

I bought a PC base unit for Deej and it arrived today. The cost was £180 which I thought was good considering the specification but not overly a bargain, just about right.

Oh dear!

Turned it on or tried to, it crashed. Kept trying and eventually it did start but continued to crash. Managed some updates but the CPU was showing temperatures of excess of 100 deg and then it crashed again.

I examined the insides and discovered the fan on the PSU didn't work because the case was buckled. The fan on the CPU was detached because it was broken. It didn't boot again, it's now dead. Some power is getting through but basically it's dead in the water. My conservative estimate for repair is £115.

Have written to the seller with some options, the first being I send the thing back and he gives me a refund. Actually, he gives me a refund and I send it back. I have said he may wish to contribute toward repair costs or, I can just go through the paypal complaint system and get it resolved that way. If that isn't working then I suppose there is always the small claims court, thankfully the guys full name and address are on the sent box.

I need to buy an upgraded PSU for my machine anyway as the 250w one I have is too underpowered for the demands placed on it so before I insert it in my box I can try it on Deej's machine. If that makes no difference then at least I know it wasn't the PSU but the processor. That's still £75 though so not a good option.

On the plus side, I also, as well as using paypal, paid for it on my VISA card so I have some cover there as well.

I still reckon it's a £180 mistake I shall live to regret :-(

Water Everywhere

OK, maybe not everywhere but is sure feels like it with all the new lakes we have around here!

I have been struggling financially lately but Matt just spent quite a bit of his compensation money and is well and truly flaunting it in front of the girls saying how he's going to put on their favourite programmes yet not let them watch the things and they can't play on his new Xbox 360. True brotherly love.

Daisy in particular has been using the J lounge almost nightly and rarely cleans up after herself, Zoey is struggling to load the programmes she wants on her ageing PC. John has been muddling through with his laptop but is clearly upset that he can't play the games he wants to it and has been using my machine more often. All in I decided 'to hell' with the money and have bought the girls new laptops each and John a really rather cheap base unit to replace his laptop which is going to Jermaine.

John mentioned this to Matt this evening on the way home and Matt got really shirty demanding to know where I got the money from? I had a right cheek apparently telling him to repay me the money he owed and then going and spending it on the girls and John when I 'should have' been spending on the holiday spending money.

I have gone from being contented with my day to being really angry and miserable. I am just sick of Matt making me feel this way, I really don't deserve it. This is like living with my dad all over again. Always being questioned on how I choose to live my life, to justify what I do whilst he feels everything he does is right and I don't have any right to complain. It's just getting too bloody much!

Yesterday we went to take a look at the new place Jermaine will be going to, hopefully in June. It's in Occupation Road, Corby in a building known as 'The Coach House'. It really is a lovely flat and is now all fully furnished with everything he could need. My only concern is the amount of time it is taking to process the paperwork and that someone else will get in first.

We keep meaning to visit Nick but just have not got around to it ... maybe sometime this weekend we can as we don't have anything arranged.