A Small Victory

I had what is rare for me today, a day where I didn’t really have to go anywhere!

But, just because I didn’t have to, what does that alter? So, a quick trip into Sainsbury’s for a little shopping then home to surf except that on the one day I could spend all day online if I wanted to, the connection didn’t want to cooperate.

I did manage to make contact with a young guy I had been trying to talk to for some time and eventually we met up this afternoon and went for a walk over Billing Aquadrome.

He was just so cute in so many different ways. Sure, he looked great but he had a really good mind too, spoke sensibly with intelligence and was just interesting. I felt really comfortable with him and he wasn’t just out for a shag either. Weird thing is, he says he doesn’t have many friends, what is wrong with these people! We are planning a trip to Birmingham next week which should hopefully be fun.


Managed to speak to social services earlier too … great news, we have secured the one extra day we needed to be able to have a holiday this year! About time we had a small victory on something. Holiday is now booked and we are really looking forward to it.

Nothing planned for tomorrow either but I think I am doing a taxi service on Friday for Matt.

Bloody Social Workers and so Called 'Experts'

Did loads of prep for a meeting today and when we turned up, we discover they have changed the focus of the meeting onto something totally different and, worse yet, irrelevant to the point of the matter.

So, I spent an age turning it back to the agenda we had set and then found out that they were now needing another meeting to discuss yet another point that should have been included. So, more hard work getting that added to the current agenda so that all aspects are covered when the decision panel looks at the case on July 20!

My jumped up little social worker then tells me, after I reminded her she was supposed to update me, which she couldn't arrange anything so we could go on holiday when we need to. Turns out, she didn't actually do anything I could not have done myself. I got a little cross with her.

I set her a deadline to have it sorted this week and she said "I suppose I should, I am on holiday for two weeks as of next week"

So, I said to her, well, in that case, you will just have to delay your holiday by one day, apologies if that means you actually can't go, ain't life a bitch. She got a little disturbed by that, told me not to make personal comments, her holiday was her business. I pointed out that just for that small moment she had felt as we normally do, needing something and being told we can't have it.

I suspect that rather than fighting our corner and getting us that day we need, she will actually make a complaint about me and I shall get a warning shot from her boss!

These people so miss the plot.

On an unrelated note, I have sorted out that misunderstanding of the other day, life is too short.

Had a Clinical Psychologist here this morning, it is possible that she is going to recommend that Jermaine does, on occasion, need sedation.

Monday and all is not rosey

Martyndeva on Kagoul as well as other places is a complete and utter twat!



The guy is barely out of nappies yet he supposes to tell the rest of us that we don’t understand life, that life is just an illusion, there is no such thing as love, we just create it to make ourselves feel better when we realise we cannot understand someone else, he seems to genuinely believe that he knows the answer to life itself, the man is an idiot of the highest order … and his face is crooked too!

I am still trying to get social services to get an extra day sorted for Jermaine to go into respite, the thought of paying £120 more for a week fewer holidays really doesn’t appeal to me and we do so need a holiday even if we can’t afford one!

Angry with me for not booking our Disney holiday but there is still time for that one. Also feeling guilty leaving Matt in charge so often. Sure, I can justify it on so many different levels but that doesn’t make it right.

It is Zoey’s birthday today. Couldn’t think of anything to get her so took her out for a meal instead which I think she enjoyed though she left most of it.

Jermaine is sleeping again, he needs his blood sugars checked. But then, he is hardly eating anything so maintaining his correct levels is nigh on impossible. I did at least manage to get him to shit in the toilet for a change, which was a relief!

I seem to spend all my time online yet keep missing the guys I want to speak to which is really annoying me.

OK, today is not the best Monday ever but then, not the worst either, we all have to have off days now and then.

That was the final weekend of June then

The guy from 7 years ago is still as cute as hell but I don’t think he has any interest in me perhaps as anything other than a friend, that’s fine, I had a feeling I was on a loser there but we have to hope sometimes!

This said, should I be totally wrong on that one, that is not a mistake I cannot live with!

Jermaine has been shitting again and had a seizure that Matt had to deal with earlier, not really fair, I think Matt needs a break.

Still not booked any holidays, I must be totally mad!

I think I have been judging the guy in Aylesbury too harshly. I guess I am not very keen on letting the good ones get away.

Went to London today to meet someone and have some pictures taken. No idea what the pictures are like of course, I have not seen them yet.

Friday was fun, nice to meet lots of people I have not seen for a while and some I have not met at all. Strange situation when I stayed overnight but not going to talk about that here.

Having problems with a close friends and misjudging signals, general feelings and stuff, I am sure it will all be sorted at some point.

Meeting tomorrow to discuss the meeting on Tuesday which will not doubt arrange another meeting, it is kind of endless all of this.

Gran Canaria 1st Day

I allowed 1 hour and 30 minutes extra to get to Gatwick for 9:00 thinking that was plenty of leeway to cover even our crap roads … I was wrong!

Robin was a star fighting through the traffic but there were so many hold-ups there was really nothing he could do.

We turned up just about 15 minutes after we should have and the queues were horrendous. It took an age to get through check-in and then quite some time to get through security. By the time we finally got through we were already being called to the gate so our breakfast was out of the window and by now, we were all getting a little hungry.

We grabbed some sandwiches from a vendor for the price of what we would get used to paying for a full meal and drinks for all of us in Gran Canaria and ate them en route to the gate which seemed to be somewhere just outside Brighton!

Irony is a cruel thing and we discovered there was a slight delay on our flight but only after we arrived! We could have had breakfast after all.

The flight was a fair bit delayed by the time we finally took off and more so on the way over. We were at least an hour late by the time we got to Las Palmas. This was compounded by some idiot leaving their bag on the plane (or something like that) so we had to wait in the coach for an age. I think it was around 6pm by the time we finally arrived in resort.

We unpacked which is just about the most unusual thing for me to do when I arrive somewhere but we were so shattered it was all we wanted to do.

Our meal was in the Taipei just up the road. This being a buffet of something they had probably cooked several days ago and had gone way beyond sell by date in 1998. To say it was awful is an insult to awful. Nothing tasted even a little like what would be expected, it was just totally disgusting. They couldn’t even get the Coke right, one of those was just coloured water.

From there we were to Pub Nestor for the evening and Matt was well impressed when Gary remembered my name from last year. Gary is one of the barmen there. It is quite conceivable that me and Matt both got a little too tipsy.

Another busy week flew by ...

OK, I have had it with men, they are all bastards! I always wanted to say that but it’s not true!

The guy from 7 years ago is still as cute as hell but I don’t think he has any interest in me perhaps as anything other than a friend, that’s fine, I had a feeling I was on a loser there but we have to hope sometimes!

Jermaine is still shitting all over the place and it’s becoming real tiring, the cats manage to shit in the right place, it’s great to know I have an 18 year old son that cannot manage it. On the plus side, it is helping me get extra support so I have to think positively.

I really must get down to booking this GC holiday; it really is daft of me to keep leaving it like this. That’ll be one of my next tasks I think.

The guy in Aylesbury, I really like him but it feels like he is messing me about and I don’t need that at all, I need guys that say what they want and communicate. It would be a shame to let that one go but I need to know that what goes on between me and another guy is an equal partnership; I have enough to do in my life without doing all the chasing!

Trying to arrange another guy next week in Coventry, he seems really interesting so it would be a shame if that one doesn’t work out and it would be good to have a friend over that way too.

Down to London this evening for Richard’s birthday bash and staying there overnight. Really looking forward to it though have no idea what to wear especially as a lot of my favourite tops don’t live here anymore and I just can’t afford to replace them just now.

Life is so busy

OK, the shit first, quite literally.

Jermaine has taken to shitting all the over the place. It was my bedroom yesterday, all over the place it was, lovely :-(

Tonight he comes home from school, he is in a mega hypo, 1.2 which, let me tell you, is dangerously, call the paramedics low. I didn't call them, I had some glucagon here (1" long injection) so I gave him that, he was soon up to 17 but has barely been with us since. I shall check him again before I go up to bed.

Earlier I took Charlie out to the woods, he wanted some pictures taken and it would have been rude not to have done so and he seems happy enough with the results. We are talking about the possibility of going to GC together later in the year, we shall see what happens.

I got contacted by someone earlier and I am so excited. He is a guy I last met 7 years ago and I had a huge crush on him yet never ever mentioned anything at the time. Well, I don't make that sort of mistake anymore and I am meeting him tomorrow, I am nervous as hell!

Aint the weather lovely?

I have just had a really enjoyable week with a friend of mine. It was nice to have company on equal terms with no complications, just relaxed.

We went out a couple of times but nowhere to far, had nothing too boring just enjoyed each others’ company.

Sadly, we were stuck in a little more than I would have liked but we managed to entertain ourselves, plenty to do, talk about … even managed to get some use out of the Xbox for a change!

Charlie made a visit the other day too which was enjoyable and unexpected though I suspect I didn’t pay him enough attention, not as much as I should of anyway.

Jermaine has not been very good this week. He has just sat and stared a lot of the time, no life at all really. Today he has taken to removing his trousers and pants and going naked, can’t say that is any fun either and he is also getting in the habit of being doubly incontinent which gives me the sort of clearing up I would also rather not have.

Nothing yet planned for the weekend though I have set Matt up to baby-sit for me. Hopefully I can gatecrash on some friends, I’d really like that.

Nice to be blogging again!

Totally forgot my login details for this thing for a few days which was a right pain but here I am back again!

I was meant to be going to a meeting of the Motor Neurone Disease lot in the afternoon on Sunday but Daisy announced that her friend was coming around and he had epilepsy and really, an adult should be around so I cancelled. Then, when it was too late, she said he had called earlier to say he couldn’t make it! Oh well, it taught me a valuable lesson, I cannot afford to agree to do voluntary work that includes weekends at all.

Called MND this morning and told them that unless they could come up with something that involved daytimes during weekdays and also looked good on my CV that I was sorry, I couldn’t help them.

Cleaned the car yesterday and before I had a chance to drive it today a bird had already shat on the windscreen!

Coloured Matt’s hair earlier. It is not blonde as it should have been but rather orange which, as it happens, works quite well on him!

Dj started her periods today and I had to break the news to her that this does not mean that every 28 days he gets time off school!

Have a friend due here soon and really looking forward to it. It would have been better if we could have gone somewhere this evening but such is life I guess, we shall do something tomorrow.

Am I made, all this driving?

Maybe driving all over the south east is not the best way to start a weekend! Right now I feel totally shattered.

Of course, not going to bed the same day I get up is also not a good thing two nights in a row!

Went to Kudos in London yesterday and met a guy from Thailand called ‘Porn’, yes, really his name. He was very cute but his ex boyfriend showed up and was totally obnoxious and I don’t need that sort of shit so I made my excuses and left. From there I drove down to Eastbourne to meet someone else.

He really is a lovely man and he seemed quite taken with me. Had an enjoyable few hours chat and retired to bed very late indeed. Sadly, a relationship is never going to happen there. Factors that play a part in that are, mainly distance, very high up also is that he smokes which is fine, not complaining but I just couldn’t have a relationship with someone that smokes. As well as that, well, it was really fun but no fireworks, it was more comfortable than explosive and that isn’t a complaint, just an honest observation of how it was. I am sure I shall visit again though, I also have to remember that I have loads of friends and have been neglecting too many of them this past year or so and will have to make a better effort.

Friday Update

I spent a lovely evening yesterday with someone I had not met before, one of the most enjoyable evenings I have had for a very long time and can’t wait to see him again.

Been having meetings all this week which has been quite tiring. Today I did some training for care managers at social services. I think some of them may go on to great things but suspect that many had already corrupted themselves into the pre-planned way of thinking that is social care and health, there is always another agency that should be doing the job and so ‘they’ can arrange everything.

I am out this evening doing a double visit. One a guy in London I have not met yet. I am not even sure I will get to meet him as I have to try and park somewhere. The other is a guy in Eastbourne where I shall probably stay overnight before heading home tomorrow some time.

This blog is how old and things look better each day

I am becoming more aware each day of how my life is changing for the better. There truly are exciting times, full of change and opportunity for me.

My network of friends is ever growing and some very good and close friends have been added in the past year and even the past few months. I am getting more and more work possibilities and that is looking hopeful for the future with the hope that I will find myself doing what I have always wanted to which is to help others and get paid for it!

Today I decided that smoky pubs really are not my thing, I shall give them a miss in the future as the smoke detracts from my enjoyment and is no good to my health, there are plenty of other places to go.

I do so love Mondays.

Today was another one of those ‘network’ meetings that we have for Jermaine with everyone that matters there so that we can achieve great things.

Sadly, the objective of this meeting that of making sure that respite was sorted for this year was not achieved because it takes some people several weeks to do what it takes me a short phone call and a fax to do. So, rather than us having moved on from last time, we are effectively, moving backward!

With that grind of a meeting behind me I was quite pleased to get a call which I hoped was to confirm that I was going off to Gran Canaria next month with loads of friends, my little break to myself this year. Unfortunately, it was nothing of the sort. It turned out to be the friend that asked me along had now changed his mind and now didn’t want me there so my little bit of salvation that I had allowed myself to get excited about, was just pulled from under me but yes, of course I understand, I understand fully how me saying how I hearing that really made me feel would have made them feel awkward and we can’t have emotion getting in the way of decisions after all.

The way I felt was when I was told this news was somewhere between deeply hurt and very angry. Hurt because I really need a break and they would have known that so it showed a total disregard for my feelings and, angry because, if they were not sure, why ask me? I was the worst possible person to have his emotions played about with like that. Oh, I guess I should not place all my friends so highly as to assume they would all avoid hurting me or know me well enough to know that this sort of thing really knocks me down.

Amazing

Some people have it and some people just don’t. I am so happy to say that my son matt has it in abundance!

Yesterday has to be the most perfect birthday I have ever had, I can think of only a few things that would have improved it but they are really insignificant into the overwhelming joy I got just from the thought that someone, anyone could put so much effort into making such a special day just for me, I mean, an unshared experience, this really was just for me and that was just so incredibly amazing.

It’s true to say I had an inkling that something was going to happen in the evening as there was some little hints but, even so, I was not expecting so many of my friends to be here especially when so many of them had made a point of telling me they couldn’t make it. They are all mean and totally wonderful, all at the same time.

If I have regret about the evening (and this is taking nothing away from the day) it is that I didn’t seem to get the time to speak to everyone for as long as I would have liked to do. I will make a point of catching up with them as soon as I can.

It was nice to receive gifts but, well, I mean, all that love, how can any material thing come anywhere close to that? My batteries have been well and truly recharged in the knowledge, the reaffirmation that I have so many friends that care about me; there is nothing on this planet that could equal that. A person that knows they are loved can do anything.

I am not going to go through the list of names as to who did specifically what but to all my friends, a huge thank you, it means everything to me to know you are there

Outeverywhere and other stuff

I have tried to get used to www.outeverywhere.com but I just can’t. The thing is now so badly written it is like using the net a decade ago. Any enjoyment I used to get from the place has totally gone. Now I use www.kagoul.com as it is much more user friendly and well, just more friendly in general I guess.

I would like to get moving on booking a holiday to Gran Canaria for next month but unless I can get Jermaine looked after from 24th to 25th I can’t do it which would be a right shame. Sunday and the ex in-laws come over. I have asked them to do it but I fully expect a no answer and, well, I may then be out of options, such is life.

One thing I can do is send off my Tesco vouchers and get myself a holiday out of them. We have chosen 5 days in Disney Resort Paris staying at the Newport Bay Club on the Admiral’s floor where I have been before and no to be excellent. I somehow I have to keep reminding myself that this will be a total freebie!

I have been instructed that tomorrow I am to get as much sleep as I can for some reason. I can’t see that happening as, at the very least, I do need to go out and exchange some insulin over for Jermaine as I was given the wrong type.

It's Busting out all over

No, June I mean, not my waistline!

Amazingly, though it only seems a short while since I was here at this time of year last year, well, on historical terms, it was, but no … I mean, this time last year I was getting all hot and sweaty in Gran Canaria, having fun, getting drunk, starting the beginning of the end of my relationship and all that, it was a year ago.

Now, I am fast approaching 42 which I don’t mind, it’s not old (unless I drop dead at 45 of course) so, well, it’s just another birthday and I do so love birthdays (not)

I have been told that I must get plenty of sleep on Friday, I am scared, I think I should be ‘very’ scared! So, just to cover myself I intend to have a lay in tomorrow, a nice long one, I may not get up until lunch time and the phone will be removed from my room! I need my beauty sleep, not that I have long enough to sleep to do anything at all for my beauty but what the hell, when I am in bed, no one is looking!

So, enough of the rhetorical nonsense, what of the excitement that was June 1st?

Hmmm, one of ‘those’ days when I never quite do what I had planned to do which was, in this case, totally nothing except sleep!

I forgot I had a meeting with someone from social services, someone called Allison who was here to do a financial assessment to see how much I have to pay for the services Jermaine may or may not get in the future. It turns out the whole system is screwed, like that’s a shock!

Now get this, the well off get more discount on the service cost, why? Well, whereas I shall find the cheapest way to provide what Jermaine needs, the well off will go to Harrods to get it. I claim it costs me £20 a year to buy new sheets for him and they claim it costs £90, the same amount of sheets but, and this is the bummer, they get an extra £70 knocked off how much they have to pay for services because their outgoings are more!

I suggested maybe I could just match those sorts of prices as a theoretical experiment but, this is not allowed, we have to strictly stick to the facts, we can’t go making things up just because it suits us. Fair enough I hear you say, but wait!

Jermaine doesn’t get income support yet; I have avoided it as we will be a lot worse off when he does. But, the assessment team says he does because it is easier and it suits their needs!

So, they can make up any shit they like and I have to stick to the facts. This means, I end up maxing out on pay outs for services whilst the better off get it for free or thereabouts. The whole darn system is screwed I tell you!