What a day

First, thanks Cindy for writing. I can't be sure that the email address Marty gave me works as messages I tried to send to it bounced back.

That German theme park I was trying to remember the name of was 'Heide Park'.

Your English was understandable, a lot better than my Dutch!I am the same though, I have a fair knowledge of some other languages and used to be quite good at German but it took courage to actually try and speak it when I was there. It turned out I was rather good but that was because they let me off with a lot of mistakes!

Right, today ... It's been a blur really. Matt & Anne have been here much of the day. Deej and I had to do some last minute purchasing and I cooked dinner. Jermaine visited early evening but whilst he was mostly happy it was clear that there was some irritation not far under the surface. At a guess it may have been because his carers today were treating him like a 2 year old! Nick popped around as well and then, after Jermaine left and a little before that, myself, Anne and Matt got into a discussion about their finances. I felt a little awkward as they are both adults but they were asking my opinion and the chat went on for many hours. Hopefully I helped them resolve one fairly major issue between them with regard to their money. Even though they were both dead tired I think they handled it in a very mature way and should both be quite proud of themselves.

Tomorrow we are off. This is the only holiday I can think of that I didn't really look forward to. Part of me wants to be there yet a larger part of me wants to be here and none of me wants to travel. I am just so hoping I don't spend a week dealing with problems whilst Deej and Nick have a holiday, been there, done that :-(

It is currently 22°C in Gran Canaria so not bad for 01:18, I think I can live with that. 21.2°C is the lowest it got last night. I think that makes me feel a little better about going. It is currently 15°C at the moment here.

Busy, Flippin' Busy!

Today is ... Wednesday (I just checked). OK, technically today is Thursday but that's just splitting hairs so don't go there.

In theory we did nothing Monday and Tuesday, I am sure the reality was different though. Little things such as shopping came in to it, sorting things out over the phone, that sort of thing. Today (Wednesday - just go with me on that one) we went into London and finally met Marty and Cindy from Holland. I checked earlier (yes, have been doing a fair bit of 'checking') and I first had contact with Marty in September 1999 so a very long time indeed. It is strange really that he is one of the people I have known longer than most of those I now call friends. Probably all of us were slightly concerned about not recognising the other but as it turned out, we needn't have worried.

Really, I don't think I was a lot of good as their guide. London isn't really something I know a great deal about when it comes to tourism.I have a basic geography of the place and naturally know the main tourist haunts but would have preferred to have been able to show them something off the tourist trail which would have interested them.

Robin drove us down there which took about 2hr 40m so not too terrible but seemed to take a long while. We think the journey back was quicker but I am not entirely sure any of us kept track of the time.

Tomorrow I have a meeting in Corby and then another at Daisy's school, both will most likely be a waste of time.

Ah yes, speaking of Corby, we visited Jermaine yesterday. A good visit and the journey didn't seem to long either, maybe I just imagined that though.

Hols next week, just about all ready even though I don't have a clear idea what we are taking as yet. Doesn't matter, will work it out eventually!

You may have noticed ..

I have changed the look of this back to a more basic template just for ease of reading.

For the record, and for those who don't read what this blog is about ... it is my therapy. Not that I need therapy very often but I find a safety valve handy now and then. It really is never more than a snapshot though, a momentary glance into my current thinking and not representative of my life in general. Invariably that will mean this blog could give the impression that my life is full of doom and gloom and negative experiences, it really isn't. On the whole I have a good life, surrounded by amazing people.

Of course, those who really know me know all the above already, they don't need telling. Those that don't know me may think I am a sad git with no hope for the future, that's not my problem. Whilst I allow this blog to be public it is not going to be fully understood by the vast majority of those reading it

Meanwhile, back to at the moment ... well, actually, at the moment is just after 3am on Sunday morning. It is Daisy's birthday. Matt and Anne are hear as are Jonny and Paul. Earlier Robin popped over (still feeling crap) with Daisy's birthday cake and we had spent the day with Nick helping him choose a new wardrobe. He looked really rather good in what he got as well. Alex and Ryan popped in for a while as well. We bought way too much food and much of it went to waste as it wasn't cooked properly.

Being this late I am not a little bit tired and in a few moments I am to bed.

Blimey this year is flying!

April is nearly over already! At this speed by the time we land in Gran Canaria we just as well head on straight back home again!

Had an interview today, more of an informal chat I guess. It was with the Carers Centre in Whitworth Road. I am going to start working there after our holiday as a volunteer but who knows where it may lead. On the plus side, it will look brilliant on my CV and my first step to 'proper' work which I am really looking forward to, I want to be anonymous again.

I have been quite upset about the new of the young guy in Redditch Seems he has a very similar condition to Jermaine and I just can't imagine anything like that happening. After all that struggling, and his mother too, to have it ended so pointlessly.

Tomorrow I get my hair done ready for the holiday and today I bought some new clothes for it. Deej had his hair done yesterday. (Looks amazing by the way)

Having left Kagoul I am a lot more chilled. Clicking on the 'Kagoul' link will take you to the obituary about me on there which anyone can read. If I ever needed proof that I had made the right decision, that is it. I also deleted my account on Thingbox as that is near enough specifically designed for guys who have been thrown off just about every other site. All that leaves now is Outeverywhere which has a good balance of members. It's a pay site but worth the money if I have to belong to anything, also got me out of bother a few times when I have had tech questions I needed answering quickly.

Duston School is closed tomorrow. They are on strike. Today Daisy had two cover teachers. This from a school who says 'every hour of education is vital to your child's education!'

Robin is feeling a little down at the moment, I am sure there are other things he'd rather be feeling but he's stuck with feeling down. Hope he bangs his head on a door soon ;-)

Next week is quite busy but we have managed to squeeze in a mad jaunt to London on Wednesday. Marty and Cindy will be there and I am getting a bit fed up with keep missing them so, hopefully, Wednesday is the day when we finally get around to it.

This Friday we get Wii Fit so expect me to be hurting like hell over the weekend!

Flippin' Interweb!

I have been using the internet for some 12 years now. There have, in all the time, been just two times when I have wondered if it was more poo that it was cake and now is one of those times.

To be honest I am not getting a great deal out of it. The gay dads site is nigh on dead in the water. A few guys post now and then but I have to put a lot of effort into to it to keep it moving and I just can't be arsed. Out! is OK, handy for advice and large enough to have a good mix of people but it's a little samey and hardly anyone wants to move from net mates to real mates. Kagoul is just a joke at the moment. It's so bad even the moderator is thinking of quitting! Thingbox is a vile place. One guy who just got booted off Kagoul for 2 days for telling lies about me has been sending messages to me, here is one lovely example:

Hmmm… so how does it feel to finally discover how widely loathed you are on Kagoul?

I almost felt sorry for you when I left Kagoul which is why I dropped you a line, but having seen the way you’ve once again tried to twist things to your advantage knowing I’m out of the way, you can get fucked.

I’ve watched you twist and turn on the hook you impaled yourself on when you first started replying to redshed’s Joan Collins’ thread and I have to say, it has been a pleasure. So thank you.

You’re an odious little shit who has been a parasite on the backs of hard-working people for much of your working life. Which is why those of us on Kagoul or elsewhere who have to work hard for a living can’t stand you either.

Since you’re always the first to report anybody who criticises you, but can’t ever bring yourself to admit what you’ve done back to them, you’re doubly damned as a gutless coward in my book too.

I’m pleased to say I never reported anyone in four years on Kagoul – apart from you on one occasion and that was only after you boasted you were going to report me in a PM.

Still, I suppose that’s because some of us are real men and others are cowardly little bullies.

Even when you dropped yourself in it on Kagoul by saying that you’d only asked the Mods to monitor the thread, then had to admit you’d reported me, you still couldn’t do the manly thing and put your hands up.

I’ve never met anybody I truly loathed before, whilst I certainly didn’t think it would ever be a fellow gay guy, but for me, you’re it mister.

No doubt you’ll try reporting me on here too, but knowing what a stickler you are for rules, I’ve already checked the T&C’s and there are no rules surrounding PM’s on here whilst nothing mentioned in this message relates to anything or anyone on here so you can get fucked.

Carry on having a nice life at everyone elses expense mister… for as long as it lasts.

S

So, as you can see, not a nice person and one who also wrote to Deej telling him how he should tell me to fuck off!

That all kicked off because he has a real issue with anyone on benefits. He's told all sort of lies about me to try and convince people I am defrauding the system. Of course, as is typical with guys like him, he managed to boast quite a lot about how he charged his mobile phone bill to the local council!

MySpace is OK but no one writes to me on there, just the kids and I can speak to them in the real world.

I am getting messages as I type saying as how this blog entry may not work as it is unable to contact the server!

Hardly any of my friends contact me any more.

It's strange, I should feel depressed but I don't. It's more that I am just disillusioned with the interweb as a place to make new friends. I simply don't get out enough and meet real people and that's just something I have to change.

Some people!

Yesterday (Friday) was quite busy already. I had to take Daisy to a work placement interview (work experience) in the morning then down to town to meet her friends. I'd arranged to meet Nick in town to discuss some stuff after that. Before I left home there was a text from Stan saying how he'd be down later in the day. I replied that I'd probably not be back before early afternoon and left it at that.

At just after 1pm I got a message from Deej saying Stan had just dropped in and then gone again leaving instruction that I were to text him as soon as I were available. I did that and he said he'd call back again at home to see us properly.

Nick came back with us as well.

Soon afterwards I got a text from someone asking if Stan had been patronising to Deej, apparently he'd been boasting how he was always patronising to people he thought deserved it. By 6pm time was getting on, dinner to get etc and still no Stan. Sent a text and he just said 'sorry, went back to Leeds' like I am meant to be really grateful that he deemed fit to turn up at all and that my waiting in all afternoon was expected! Well, no frigging way is it!

Hmm, The Army

No, not all those nice hunky men in camouflage gear but Northampton's own 'Jesus Army'. After doing a small amount of research I discovered they actually started in the late 60's in Bugbrooke. For the first couple of decades they were busy falling out with all other organised religion until they were left somewhat isolated and in danger of being known as a cult on their farm. In the 80's they decided they needed to make some changes and many of us will have noticed how in the past few years it is impossible to travel around the town without seeing either one of their buildings or some of their vehicles. They own the two tower blocks near town, have a 99 year lease on the old Cannon cinema in Abbey Stand own some property, at least two houses in East Park Parade which overlooks the racecourse. They also own a few businesses. One in Towcester and another in Daventry. There may be others but my brain can't pinpoint them right now.

Their membership - I am stopping myself from using the term 'recruits' - are from asylum seekers, down and outs, drug addicts, alcoholics, prostitutes and just about anyone they think need their special brand of 'Love Everyone'. That could also just as easily be my granny .... though she's a little bit dead so I have to concede it is unlikely.

Well, as I may have mentioned in a previous blog entry, a few weeks back someone from the Jesus Army collected Zoey's bed from me as we no longer needed it. Ever since then they have been trying to get us to visit them for a meal. It was meant to be tonight but, pending further investigations, I have declined the invitation. The whole concept is just one I am not comfortable with. I mean, as an individual I would go along simply out of curiosity but I am just not content with the notion of introducing the kids and Deej to the unknown.

On an unrelated note ... I have been really quite impressed with Matt recently. True, it is probably Anne doing the leading but even so, he wouldn't listen to me so he must have changed in some way to be listening to someone else. He is actually being quite responsible these days, most unusual and also very pleasant. I just so wish he worked for a company which appreciated his talents rather than one which simply employed monkeys that they can pay peanuts to.

I really should get my little finger sorted. It has been most painful for months now and is always twice the size of the other one.

Feeling the need to do something social.